Welcome to a forgotten corner of the ancient forest.
Very early on in life all boys in western society come to know the boy code. If they are to avoid humiliation and rejection they must embrace it for themselves and enforce it in others. It is the genesis of the attitudes in men that inhibit self-care and help-seeking behaviours. If you are a man or adolescent male in a western society you know what this code is but I will detail it here anyway.
To be accepted as a boy you must:
- focus on physical accomplishments and external success
- be tough, aggressive and competitive with others
- not express emotions and deny any emotional vulnerability
- be performance oriented with your sexuality
- reject homosexuality
- deny pain, tough things out and avoid seeking help.
So here is the choice we give our boys,
1. they can adopt the code and subject themselves to lives that are characterised by loneliness, violence, physical and emotional health problems. They can spend their lives ignoring their own emotional and physical needs until late in life, if they live that long, they come to realise that their life has been a meaningless waste.
2. they can reject the code and be subjected to continual reminders that they are inadequate as men. Men who choose this path choose a path of isolation from other men in mainstream society. They are viewed with suspicion and distrust.
At least this is what it used to be. We have seen a glimmer of the light of hope in the new men's movement. Some caring men are coming out of the closet to talk and share their emotions.
We must confront the code and demonstrate to boys that rejecting the code does not doom one to ridicule and isolation. The time has come for western men to lead healthy fulfilling meaningful lives but they can only acheive it if we actively work to undermine the boy code.
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