Steve Biddulph, in his book "Manhood" writes

Most men do not have a life. Instead we have just learned to pretend. Most of what men do is an outer show, kept up for protection.

Here are two scenarios for you to consider:

Scenario One:

After 45 years with the one company a man retires and within 3 months he is dead from suicide. If you had asked this man a question like "Tell me about yourself" the first thing he would have said is "I am a clerk with ???", most men respond the same way, they define themselves by their work. (Ask yourself how you would answer that question.) When work ended his life ended. Over the years his reason for being had turned into being a meal ticket for the family.

This man was undoubtedly a vibrant imaginative child, as most children are. After 45 years of attending a job which, for the greater part of this time he hated but pretended to like, he had turned into a shell of a man struggling to find a meaning for existance. He grabbed onto the only thing available, his work. Ultimately everybody failed this man, society, his family, his male friends. They all conspired to keep him from really living and by time the time came when society gave him permission to live there was nothing much left. This story is a tragedy but the bigger tragedy is that his story is commonplace. His reality is the the reality for the bulk of men of his age in our society. It is why this group has one of the highest suicide rates.

Scenario Two

Andrew is 18 doing his University entrance exams. His father has said he is capable of getting into Medicine at Melbourne University and that he doesn't want a looser for a son. The pressure of the exams is great and, even though he has studied hard, his nerves get the better of him. His results come back and his marks are far above average but he just fails to make it into Medicine. He drives to the families hobby farm where he has enjoyed some of the most care free and happy periods of his life. He takes a rifle that is stored there and climbs to the top of a hill on the property, it is a place where as a child he used to imagine he could see forever. He places the barrel in his mouth and pulls the trigger.

The sad irony is that he never wanted to be a doctor anyway. That was what his family's dream was for him and what his father told him he should want to be. He actually wanted to be a teacher in a small country school, possibly owning a little farm on which his kids could enjoy growing up. He shared this dream with his father, once, who ridiculed him saying "Those who can - do, those who can't - teach". He resigned himself being a doctor. His failure to get in was the final straw. He thought "I am not allowed to do what I want and I can't even get into what I am supposed to do, my life is a failure." His story is a tragedy but the bigger tragedy is that thousands of boys are trying to attain stupid and pointless qoals set by fathers and suiciding when they fail. The rate of suicide of teenage boys and young men is highest of any group in our society.

At Andrew's funeral his father was stoic as he delivered the eulogy. Not a tear dampened his cheek. Even though inside he was a maelstrom of emotions of grief, self doubt, guilt and failure there was noone he could turn to. In the family he was expected to be the strong one and his mates, uncertain how to deal with the situation, avoided him at first and when they did eventually see him the topic was reduced to the banal, something like "Bad luck about Andrew".

Over this week we will be looking at the failure Anglo societies (Australia, USA, Canada, NZ and UK), to address the needs of boys and men. What you can do as a man to make your life more fulfilling, so that the end of your working life is not the end of your life. What you must do as a father to empower your son so he grows into well rounded, confident and complete man who has a full, rewarding and happy life. What greater gift could you give your son?